Richard Layton

The House of Lords


Lords Taylor and Truscott were suspended from the

House of Lords after offering to amend legislation for cash


1/ The House of Lords, the House of Lords,

Where Peers are into self-awards;

And cut a certain rakish dash,

Whilst thumbing envelopes for cash.


2/ Burke’s Peerage lists both sage and dunce,

But not the Lords receiving bunce;

Who wouldn’t want a life of ease,

Aspired to by the double-‘T’s’?


3/ Who wouldn’t want to be a toff,

And have one’s hooter in the trough;

To join their Lordships gravy train,

Whilst they campaign for private gain?


4/ Who wouldn’t want to be a ‘Gent’,

And be someone of high-descent,

If membership of such high rank

Meant lots of lolly in the bank?


5/ It only takes genetic nous

To join the noble Upper House;

And hob-nob with those honest nobs

Who legislate for their own jobs.


6/ These days they even like to brag

About the level of their ‘swag’;

And quote a cool ‘one-hundred grand’,

Which must, of course, be ‘cash in hand’!


7/ The thrill of wearing erminois

And all those “nice jobs for the boys”

Must make the Bankers seethe with rage

At the perks of a former age!


8/ The House of Lords, The House of Lords,

Where two have fallen on their swords;

Away! with unelected sin,

At least we vote The Commons in!



Richard Layton © 2009


The NHS


1/ If you’re in hospital today,

Beware the bug, M.R.S.A.;

Beware its friend, C. difficile,

As both can make you rather ill.


2/ Beware the Managers who cost,

‘Efficiency’ against lives lost;

Beware the Trusts whose Chief Execs.

Do what the Government “Expects”.


3/ Beware the modern Alchemists

Who dissipate the ‘Waiting Lists’;

Beware the latest funding wheeze

To bump-up the car parking fees.


4/ Protect the whistle holders pact,

If they protest, they will be sacked;

Protect the dying and the sick

From both the ignorant and thick.


5/ Protect the old and those that hurt

From being treated just like dirt;

Protect the children and the young

From those who lack a kindly tongue.


6/ Beware of anyone who’s seen

To treat the sick like a machine;

Beware tired doctors who inject

Some doses that aren’t circumspect.


7/ Beware consultants, some of whom

Have egos bigger than a room;

Beware accountants who profess,

The interests of the NHS.


8/ If you’re in hospital today

Beware, the most, all those that say

(And make by far the greatest fuss)

“The N.H.S. is safe with us”.



Richard Layton © 2009