Prakash Kona

The Ten Commandments from an Indian god without a sense of irony

And the Indian god who was more Indian than a god spake all these words to the peoples of his nation, saying:

1) I am GREED FOR POWER AND MONEY the LORD thy God, which hath put you in bondage for hundreds of years and will continue to do so. Thou shalt have no other gods like KINDNESS and COMPASSION before me. Thou shalt not dare treat anyone as thy EQUAL for it is written that thou must CRUSH the bodies and souls of the lowly especially if they happen to be your country folk.
2) I MONEY, the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me and showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
3) Thou shalt not spend thy MONEY in vain to reduce human suffering in any form for I will not hold him guiltless that doeth that.
4) Remember the day thou hath become a SELF-CENTERED, CORRUPT and RELENTLESS EXPLOITER, to keep it holy.
5) Honor thy MONEY and thy POWER to RIP others of what is rightfully theirs that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
6) Thou shalt not hesitate to MURDER wherever and whenever the occasion demands. Thou shalt also gossip, slander, suppress and injure others for otherwise thy life hath no meaning in this land of milk, honey and downright crooks, loved and revered by gods and men alike.
7) Thou shalt commit treachery whenever thou hath the opportunity since nothing is greater proof of thy INDIANNESS than betray those in need of thy succor.
8) Thou shalt LOOT as much as thou canst as long as thou hath the good sense not to get caught.
9) Thou shalt bear false witness against thy neighbor for thou hath to disclose to the Lord, thy God that there is no neighbor like thee.
10) Thou shalt gladly COVET thy neighbor's house and his wife and his manservant and his wife too, and his maidservant and her mother, and his ox, and his ASS and everything that is thy neighbor's especially if that one happens to be poor and without means to challenge thee. Otherwise thou hath no moral right to exist in this country or any country on earth.

 
“Feminism” – Bollywood Style

A woman can love only once.
A woman gives her heart only once.
A woman marries once, loves one man, and cannot conceive of loving another man.
Indian women can never do what western women are doing which means sleeping with more than one man at the same time.
A woman that is raped is not fit to live.
Whether a woman says ‘yes’ or ‘no’ it still means ‘yes’ if that’s what the man wants.
Virginity is a sign of purity.
A woman must be a virgin before she is married.
Virginity is the woman’s only “treasure” that must be given to no other man except the husband.
A “respectable” woman is a mother, sister, wife or daughter irrespective of whether she is a person in her own right or not.
Mothers are asexual.
Mother’s love is absolute.
All women want to be mothers.
Pregnancy is fun and all women enjoy being pregnant.
Abortion is sin.
Love is what the man wants of a woman and not the other way round.
Possessiveness to the point of obsession is real love.
If a man and a woman are in a room by themselves they are having sex.
Friendship between a man and a woman does not exist.
Indian culture is the best especially for women because it gives them home and family life which means the “privilege” of cooking, cleaning and taking care of husband and children - and all this does not mean work.
A wife fails in her duty if she is not ready for sex when the husband wants it.
If a man cheats it’s a sign of weakness and he can expect forgiveness. If a woman cheats she deserves to die or get killed.
A woman doesn’t mind being slapped and beaten once in a way as a proof of love.
Women fall into two categories – pure and impure. The impure ones want to be pure but cannot and therefore they must die.
All women are lustful creatures behind the mask of innocence.
Wife-beating is a part of married life.
A woman knows how to seduce when she puts her head to it.
Women do not have orgasms.
Women cannot be sexually satisfied.
A man is finished once he has an orgasm but a woman can go on forever.
Love has nothing to do with sex or the body.
Once a woman loses her virginity to a man she belongs to him forever.
An Indian woman cannot do what a man does.
There’s no greater happiness for a woman other than family life.
Something is wrong with single women.
A woman needs the carrot and the stick the same way as a child.
Women who divorce are shameless and have no respect for Indian culture.
Women like men who boss over them and treat them like dirt.
Ultimately a woman is not to be trusted.

 

Prakash Kona © 2010