Chris Vaillancourt

Boxes

Standing still, flecks of dust
clinging to my hair.
Working silent, images
of opened boxes
flicking through
the crevices.
I wonder how many
shovels of dirt
it will take
to bury
every box I opened?
Each box held
some fantasy or secret
which I held inside
but never
opened before.
Standing awake, knowing
the battle will begin
when the last box
is buried.
I'll dig the holes myself.
I'll forget
every image I held
and
pretend that I
am an open book
with empty pages.
That is the facade
I will play.
Like an old song
that is remembered
only by the
ears that happened
to have the radio
on long ago.
I will play the song again.
Hum its melody.
Later I will
put it in a box.
Bury it alongside
the boxes of my dreams.
The storm begins.
I am vulnerable
 and
cannot protect myself
against the
clinging of the doubt.

Reaching

If the mind does not
desire, what can
I create to replace it?

This looking and
seeking.
This pretending
and being.

The path fills
with torn open
paper bags.
Nothing
was found of
any substance
within them.

And so I patched
the snow
with plastic glue.
Repaired the holes
and covered the
skin.

We might
stand
together when we
speak words that
drive
us
apart.

Crows overhead
and snails below.

What do I reach for
when my hands are tied?

Chris Vaillancourt © 2010

Aries Ram

I'm an Aries ram and Lord I use this
to resist you. Dear Christ I feel so afraid.
I'm scared of opening my heart to you,
for fear that
I'd be giving up myself.
I want to cling to the self-inflicted pain
and let it become my life.
But oh Christ I know this
is wrong of me.
Your touch brushes aside my symbols.
You try to thrust your peace upon me.
But oh Lord, I put up
brick walls to keep you away.
Please Jesus help me break them down.
Let this Aries ram put aside
his horns of doubt.
Let this hurting man
feel the love you promise for me.
I'm a deep dark hole
of unrepentant sin.
Carrying a cross that
does not hold your heart.
Oh sweet Jesus put yourself
into my burdens.
Let me open my eyes
to the glories
of your redemption.
Fresh from sin let me arrive
cleansed and ready to
show Your love.
As an Aries ram I jam
away from your salvation.
Yet I know I need to
submit my will to yours.
Crash away my doubts oh
Holy, blessed Lord.
Comfort me for I feel so alone.
Angry eyes follow me as
I walk though my sinful life.
Inside I feel the dark night
of the soul,
and my touch is
filled with demons not laid to rest.
Lord, stop this Aries ram
from losing his soul.

Chris Vaillancourt © 2010